Tadaa! Boom!
Nyt se on täällä, eli uusin ja kaunein Kapteeni Andreas-sarjisseikkailu allekirjoittaneen kynästä 😀
Kiitos Petrille ajasta ja kommenteista, Viiville feministisistä palopuheista ja barokkipuutarhureille kaikesta!
Nauttikaa!
/ Night was calm. Nothing suggested that a mutiny was just about to break out /
/ Sir Higgins announced the news to admiral Harcourt /
/ Admiral Harcourt gave his orders. / The log was to be delivered to Her Majesty without delay. Higgins would see to it at the risk of his own life / Rushing towards his own fate, admiral Harcourt hardly understood the truthfulness of his words /
/ The queen would never lay her eyes on the log. /
/ Higgins caught pneumonia and died on his wife’s arms in the colony of Buenas Noches three weeks later. /
/ Broken by grief, his wife Clementine returned to her home country. Reputedly she never threw away any belongings of her late husband. / After Clementine’s passing, her children donated everything to a museum. Except for the diamonds. /
/ Archives proved to be a dead end. During a fire in the fifties, some cases of colony-era-documents were apparently lost for good. / Regardless, the legend of Harcourt’s log lived on. / Some said it was old hags’ chatter but others were more optimistic. Who knew? Maybe some lucky one was holding the log in their hands – /
/ – right now. /
/ Where is it?! /
/ I-I-I don’t- / A valuable paper of mine was left in your hands! / Wasn’t it? -Ye-ye-yes! /
/ Ho-how did you know I’ve got it? -I found quite a lot of paper on the spot we bumped into each other, including your electric bill, mister Florian Trebuchet. /
/ And now – the paper! -Yes, right away, sir! / Had better… I fled the wolves whole day for it. -Wolves? -Mersailles Sea Wolves. A local gang. /
/ It was hard enough to fetch my dog from the docks with them at my heels… /
/ Please don’t kill me now but — / I put your paper to my other jacket’s pocket. An took the jacket to the tailor. / Give me the address! I’ll go get my paper right now! – You can’t bother people at this hour! This is all my fault, I-I’ll take you there first thing in the morning! /
/ Fine. In the morning. / A-all right then. Do you have a place to stay, mister…? -Captain Andreas. I do now. Good night. /
/ I fried some eggs. Would you like some? There’s coffee as well. /
/ I always thought shaking starts after drinking coffee… /
/ Oh for goodness’ sake! Relax! I won’t bite! (Dog might…) / To the tailor! /
/ Good morning Molaire! – Oh la la! / One doesn’t see that everyday. Come in gentlemen! /
/ We came for the suit I brought you yesterday. -It’s not ready yet. Take off your coat. -What for, anyway? / Apparently I had left an important paper in the pocket… -Chop chop! -Hey get your hands of–!! / Have you seen it, perhaps? -Calm down, I’ll just take your measure /
/ As usual, I got to empty quite a pile of paper from your pockets, Florian. / Everything is there on the table. / Bingo! Let me see–! /
/ Stand still! / The paper is not here. Could it have…? -It’s possible I missed it. I just got the most out before delivering the jacket to the laundry. /
/ Let’s go to the laundry! / Stay put! /
/ Don’t worry. Lucille hasn’t washed a single piece of paper in thirty years! Besides, she’ll mangle you if you go near the laundry today. The great garden party is tomorrow and they’re certainly having their busiest day of the year. /
/ Better if I ask her when I get your jacket back. I’ll deliver it to you before the party as we agreed. -Very well. /
/ I’ll put your suit to the same package. And something small for the dog… -We ain’t going to any party! / But of course you are! Everybody goes there! /
/ All the more reason, then! I just want my paper and then I’ll leave! -I-I’m going. -Too bad for you. / If I may, with your build the worst thing would be to pass a chance to dress it in a suit. Oh, it’s going to be marvelous… /
/ What was that garden party rubbish all about? -It’s a tradition, the biggest high society event of the year! -Sounds horrible. /
/ Ugh, so much trouble for one little paper… -If I may- / Please, cut the formalities. -Okay! Uh, what is that paper? / Harcourt’s lost log. -What? -Landlubber. It’s a treasure map. /
/ Coordinates to tremendous riches… -And I lost-!! / Shush! Don’t advertise it. We’re being followed! /
/ F-followed?! By whom? -And don’t freak out! It’s just the wolves. /
/ I guess they got a little annoyed when the log was found and I snatched it right before their noses. They’re likely looking for rematch… -What happened? – Long story, I’ll tell you other time. /
/ It would be best if didn’t show my face around here. -Listen Andreas, I’ll promise to do my best to reunite you with your paper. You can shelter from wolves at my place. Consierge will let you in. / Where are you going? -To the office, I’ve got work to do. -In the weekend? -I’m an architect… /
/ Dammit, Domino! I can’t take it anymore. Lets’ go! /
/ We’ll go stretch our legs a bit.. -Have a nice walk! /
/ Well well well… / We meet again! /
/ Help! /
/ They left. -Well, thanks. Seems we’re not going out then… /
/ I’m home! -Who’s the girl you’re writing these poems to? /
/ Or it could be a boy. I don’t judge. /
/ Have you rummaged my things?! -Nah, I just cleaned up a little and found these charming sonnets. Or actually Domino did. /
/ Do you know lyric poetry? -Not really but I do recognize a good love poem when I see one. Who is it? /
/ Sigh. Duchess Sophie of Vicomte. -Climbing up the social ladder, I see. How long have you known each other? /
/ She doesn’t know me – yet. I’ve sent her poems with an alias for six monts now… / Man, get going! -I will! /
/ I’ve asked her to meet me! In the garden party after the fireworks tomorrow. / And besides, we’re actually in correspondence. She always answers my letters with, well, erotic novellas. -Cute. Didn’t happen to see them, you chaste pooch. /
/ Ohoy! Who are you? / We’re -emm- Garden Wolves! We heard there was a pest problem. We’re here to set up the trap. -Very well, carry on. /
/ Mr. Trebuchet? -Yes? / Andreas! Tailor Molaire’s package is here! -Finally! /
/ There’s a message attached. / Stop! You’ll wet it! / Molaire writes: ”A letter has been found. I’ll deliver it to you in the party tonight with a condition that you wear the suit I sent you.” -Some low blackmailing! /
/ Cheer up! You look handsome! -It’s not that! I just don’t like parties. /
/ They bring up bad memories. -What a shame. / Tonight we’ll make some good ones. /-Mr. Trebuchet? -I am. -Tailor Molaire left this note for you. /
/ He says he’ll meet us at the belvedere. But that’s at the other end of the garden! / Let’s go then! I want to get out soon. /
/ I don’t see Molaire anywhere. -I’ll pluck that damned peacock! / Tailor Molaire was obliged to leave with some gentlemen. He left you this note. /
/ ”Dolphin bosquet. Come quickly.” / But it’s there where I’m supposed to meet So-Sophie…! -Let’s go then! / I’ll get to see this wonder girl too… /
/ I just hope So-Sophie will be there. -I’m sure she will! Are you nervous? /
/ Oh boy am I?! I could burst like a – -Hold your horses, loverboy! / The wait is the best part, don’t you think? Come on, you must have been in love some time! -Stop poking me! /
/ Well… One girl kidnapped me once. That’s all about it… /
/ Are you sure we came this way? -We didn’t. I’d remember that statue. /
/ Maybe this way? / No… /
/ Blasted allée limbo! Neverending and always looks the same! -No, wait! /
/ I get it now. We came too much to the right. / We’ll just go around the canal and there we are. -Didn’t anyone figure out to build a bridge here?! /
/ No! It starts! We need to run! /
/ Hurry! -Ehh…/
/ Excuse me, excuse me. Florian, hurry up! /
/ I’m stuck! Go ahead, get your paper! -But what about Sophie! -Go! /
/ Excuse me /
/ Dolphin bosquet? -Oh no, this is Crown prince’s bosquet. Dolphin is the next one. They get easily- / -mixed up. -Thank you! /
/ Excuse me. Is it you? -Who, me? -The one who sends me poems. /
/ Oh no, no, it’s my friend who – -No need to be modest, I like them a lot /
/ Take cover! / Captain Andreas! /
/ Alive, I said! -Captain, hand over the paper or the tailor will suffer! / Be my guest! /
/ What?! He’s been but trouble ever since I met him! / Fine! Don’t shoot! I’ll come there! /
/ Perfect! /
/ Andreas! Gunshots! Is everything–?! / Watch out Florian! /
/ So nice you could join us! And now- / the paper. -I don’t have it. /
/ What do you mean? -Molaire? / Oh, yes, I have it here! Please, don’t ruin the suit! /
/ ”A plyful little trail will guide us to a grove, lush and cool” It’s buried in some forest! / But- that’s mine! / A love letter! /
/ Pathetic scribblings of a lovesick writer! Dammit! /
/ I’ve had it! Give me the paper or I’ll kill your friend! -I don’t have it! /
/ Oh my god, they’re going to kill everybody! -Don’t worry, madam. The situation is under control. / Huh? Who are you? -Security manager of the party. Go go go! /
/ It was that redhead who kidnapped the miss! And the blonde is an accomplice! They knew each other already! -This way, madam. -Good work. Take them! /
/ Duchess Sophie! I’m Florian Trebuchet, your poet! / You are my light and my sun! You are my island! My world! / I love you! /
/ Scoundrels! Hooligans! Terrorists! -Madam, shut it already! /
/ The party will soon be over. / I bet Sophie has already left. Sigh. This didn’t go at all according to plan… /
/ Inside the coat’s lining?! All this time!! -I thought you were going to gut me! / The text has been washed away in the laundry… /
/ Duchess and tailor confirmed your story. But we cannot accept this kind of disturbance. Party is over for you. /
/ Good nigh- Hey! Watch it! -Excuse me / Hey! Wait! /
/ Andreas, I just wanted to thank you for protecting me… -Don’t mention it… /
/ Florian, wait! / Don’t get me wrong! What you said to me delighted me a lot! Like-like your poems– /
/ Do you like my poems? -Of course! They’re the most beautiful I’ve ever read! Especially the latest one. /
/ It’s not your usual style, but after reading it I felt our meeting could not come soon enough! /
/ Sail 32 minutes from sunset until you reach an atoll with water gleaming green… /
/ Harcourt’s log! At last! -But how?! /
/ Domino, we’re going to Caribbean! -You also sent me your electric bill twice. And a letter to your brother. / So you knew all along..? -Not enough! This is still the first date so I expect you to offer me a drink right away /
/ Sounds nice, unfortunately I can’t make it. When tide is high one must sail. -Are you leaving already? / Of course. I got what I wanted. I’ll grab my stuff and set off. Give me thirty minute head start! /
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Kootut selitykset
eli nippelitietoa ja yksityiskohtia
Sarjiksen ensimmäinen käsikirjoitusluonnos syntyi jouluna 2015 ja eka kuvakässärikierros versaillesilaisessa itsepalvelupesulassa loppukeväästä 2016. Ei-yllättäen visuaaliseen ilmeeseen ja tarinan maailmaan on vaikuttanut todella paljon vaihtolukukauteni Ranskassa. Tussaus on syntynyt käsipelillä musteella ja terällä sekä piirustustusseilla. Skanneri oli kipakka, joten kuvien kontrasti on kauttaaltan hitusen kireämpi kuin olisin toivonut. Sarjista varten on googlattu referenssikuvia mm. seuraavilla hakusanoilla: Master and Commander, Versailles statue ja Karl Lagerfeld.
Tarinan tapahtumapaikka Mersailles on yhdistelmä Versaillesia ja Aix-En-Provencea sijoitettuna meren rannalle. Kaupungin nimen idean varastin vaihtokouluni vessakirjoituksesta.
Räätäli Molairen hahmo perustuu löyhästi helsinkiläiseen räätäli Hampaalaan (molaire=poskihammas), jonka luona kävin kerran lukiolaisena sovittamassa frakkia. Nyt harmittaa, etten silloin tilannut työtä vaan piheilin, mulla vois olla istuva tyttöfrakki ny…
”Jaa miksi?” repla on varastettu Don Rosan tarinasta K.A.S.V.A.T.U.S.O.P.P.I.A. Samoin ”Tunnetko lyriikkaa?”-repla (tosin alunperin muodossa tunnetteko) on ryövätty Rosan tarinasta Ankantaan miljardööri. Florianin rakkaudentunnustuksen kohta ”Olet saareni” viittaa hienoon pieneen elokuvaan Poutapilviä ja lihapullakuuroja 2, joka puolestaan viitannee klassiseen Teris-meemiin ”Go save the world -You are my world”.
Puutarhasusien taustalla oli yksi näkemäni hieno video jenkkiläisen huono-osaisten asuinalueen kaupunkiviljelyprojektista, jossa ylpeät viljelijät totesi olevansa ”gangsta gardeners”. Se oli yksi alkuperäisistä lähtökohdista koko tarinalle.
Esiinnyn itse sarjiksessa yhteensä neljästi, parhaimmillaan kahdesti samassa ruudussa. Ekan kerran käppäilen unelmieni tyttöfrakissa juhlien alussa. Lisäksi ihailen ilotulituksia isotätini raidallisessa iltapuvussa sekä Jukka Rintalan ”veneenkokka”-puvussa, johon ihastuin Didrichsenin museossa pari vuotta takaperin. Seurana on MacKativer vanhojentanssimekossaan. Lisäksi tarjoilen juomia ja päden delfiinibosketista seuraavalla sivulla. Ilotulituksia katselemasta voi bongata myös Aalto-yliopiston maisema-arkkitehtuurin opetushenkilökuntaa.
Juhlista voi bongata myös skottilaisen jäbän kiltissä; sellon, jossa on lieskat; kampauksen, jossa on eläviä perhosia; mun ja MacKativerin yhteisen post-apo-sotasarjiksen päähenkilön Jean-Loup Lampardin tyttöystävineen; prinsessa Leian ja Han Solon; hohtavan drinkin, Artemis Fowlin seurueineen sekä 11. ja 4. Tohtorin.
Puiston patsasohjelma perustuu aika pitkälle mun omiin muisti-ja mielikuviin Ranskan-kevään ajalta. Esim. rapua pitelevä nainen on oikeasti tavattavissa Versaillesissa, samoin pöllö ja gaviaali (tai krokotiili) esiintyi oikeiden patsaiden daimoneina/pokémoneina/emotional support animaleina. ”Muistaisin tuon patsaan”-lausunto viittaa tähän patsaaseen, jonka säkin tuut muistamaan kyllä tän jälkeen:
Delfiiniboskettiin ja Kruununprinssin boskettiin liittyvä vitsi on siinä, että ne periaatteessa tarkoittavat samaa asiaa. 1600-luvulla Ranskan kuningasperhe tykästyi delfiineihin niin paljon, että alkoi kutsua kruununprinssiä delfiiniksi (Dauphin). Alkuperäinen Bosquet de Dauphin löytyy Versaillesin palatsipuutarhasta. Bosketti tarkoittaa ison puutarhan sisällä olevaa pienempää puutarhakokonaisuutta. Muut tarinan nk. puutarhavitsit: Alléehelvetti määritelmineen ei ole omaa keksintöäni, vaan kuulin sen joltain muulta. En muista keneltä. ”Eikö kukaan keksinyt rakentaa tähän siltaa?” on kommentti MacKativerilta. Luulen, että kuka tahansa Versaillesin puutarhassa käynyt ja kanaalia ympäri kävellyt voi samaistua…
Tajusin ihan tussauksen loppusuoralla, että tarinan sankaritar Sophie oli koko ajan ollut Ellinoora 😀
Sarjiksessa esiintyy myös mystisesti kädestä toiseen viuhuva linkkuveitsi ja erittäin hyvä vasenkätinen ampuja.
Mä en ole vielä kovin hyvä feministi, koska tää tarina ei läpäise Bechdelin testiä. Hups. Tarinassa esiintyy kuitenkin 14,5 hevosta (kun karusellihevoset lasketaan mukaan). (Se puolikas ei ole erotettavissa kuvasta, mutta on ilmeistä, että se on siellä.)
Puuhatehtävä: etsi anakronismit ja kerro sitten, mille vuosiluvulle tarina loppujen lopuksi oikeastaan sijoittuu ;P
Juomapeli: ota huikka joka kerta, kun joku tarttuu jotakuta rinnuksista.
Lisäksi viimeiselle sivulle on piilotettu Batman-logo, löydätkö sen?
Pidä silmällä mustaa kissaa, se tekee paluun jossain vaiheessa 😉
Kiitos, pus! Jätä kommentti!
